Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
