brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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