the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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