no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
