Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
