is your mom at the bar?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
