Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
