I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
