Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
