I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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