as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
