I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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