the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
