are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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