1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
