walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
