from now on my penis is your penis
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
