I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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