Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
