Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
