I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
