I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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