Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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