clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize