My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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