Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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