so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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