i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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