half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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