If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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