this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
