Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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