My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize