So drunk its hurt
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
