So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
