I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
