thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
