If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
