yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
