I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
