ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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