I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
