I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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