weddingsv make me drug and hornr
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
