Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
