i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
