Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
