Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
