my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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