Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
