My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
