and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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