tell your sister to shave her snatch
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
