Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
