Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Screwed.edu
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think people are normalizing furries
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize