bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
