So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
