would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
