I've blown a few things in my day
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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