when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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