I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize