The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
