well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
