I will die if light touches me.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
