Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
