haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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