Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i out mim tonsoeep
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