remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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