I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
