Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
