Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
