Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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