The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sext me about skeletons
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
